It’s pretty tough for me to work without stress. I prefer being scared by deadlines or having responsibilities to others. Today, I’ve set aside a whole day to work on my projects, to be creative. Blogging, working on my website, studying Human Design. And yet, I lack the energy. The habit of consistently putting myself out there is also missing.
Now that I’m surrounded by amazing women who lead by example, showing what it’s like to fully embrace themselves, it’s become easier for me. Because there they are, fighting for their ideas, forging their own paths without giving up. And, somehow, these wonderful beings consider me an equal, befriend me, and treat me with respect. I’m still amazed, though not as much as in the beginning.
Well, if such remarkable individuals respect me, why shouldn’t I do the same for myself? The long-standing habit of fear and neediness gets in the way. Did you know that living isn’t easy, transitioning from an unhappy mode to a happy one? Even when all external obstacles are removed, the mind still follows the paths set long ago, back when I wasn’t fully aware of myself.
My birth and early childhood were emotionally charged, and I can’t change that. I can only rewrite my reactions over and over, waiting for the moment when quantity transforms into quality, when the old reluctantly gives way to the new.
For today, I can only commend myself—the fact that I allow myself to write instead of desperately searching for work, tinker with my website, and daydream—that’s already significant by my standards. It’s progress
